seafoam green is the new black: colins couch

not seafoam green but horrible horrible pleather

We arrived In Minneapolis to Colin’s house, a Columbia friend. He led us straight downstairs to his basement where his pleather seafoam green couches resided. one three seater and a matching love seat. These couches were totally from the 90s. The nineties was a time for fat, puffy couches. everyone had a job and a big fat pleather couch to melt into. The 3-seater, at either end, also dispatched leg rests, turning that section of the couch into a lazy boy. I’ve always wanted a couch with this function. My friends with the most manly dads all had couches that could convert to lazy boys. It’s man-practical. Something about lazy-boys seems so ‘man of the house-ish’. I mean its called “lazy boy” not “lazy person”. Maybe it’s a dated concept from the 50s when Americans were just beginning to buy homes on credit in mass. When the distant father came back from work, he needed a good chair to smoke his pipe and ignore his family.

We could have fit another person on the couch if two people used the lazy boys, but Isaac insisted that he needed to sleep lengthwise, ignoring the extra capabilities of the 90s couch. Very unmanly.

Pleather couches are notorious for their stickiness. bare skins against a pleather couch is gross. You’ve all felt it. Even with real leather, if you sit against a leather or pleather couch, your pores suffocate and you begin sweating. Its so gross when only one part of you body is sweating but no other part is.

The worst part about sleeping on a pleather couch is when you move at night, skin rubbing against the material creates an irritating and embarrassing farting sound.

-R